Happy Tuesday Everyone! Today is a very exciting day for me because, it is not only the last day before I turn thirty-one, but also the last day before I embark on a new chapter of my life. So for today’s Truth Tuesday blog post, I thought I would discuss why I think it is so important to let go of what’s in your past, along with, something I specifically do in order to help me achieve this. As always please feel free to leave any thoughts or questions you may have in the comment section below because I would absolutely love to interact with my readers. Now without further ado, let’s get on with today’s post.
As I got older, and I began to better understand some of the struggles I had been through, I started realizing that one of the side effects of being mentally ill, is that I really struggle with letting go of the past. My mental illness likes to focus in on all the things I have done wrong in the past and make me relive them in my present. However, it wasn’t until this last year and half that I finally realized I held more power over my mental illness then I had thought. I have the ability to truly let go of what is in my past, and anytime my mental illness wants to try throw any of it in my face, I can chose to stand strong and not let it break me down. Now, I am fully aware that this is much easier said then done; and believe me, your girl still struggles with letting go of some of her past. However, I figured out a really great coping method that so far has helped me immensely when it comes to letting go.
In the final weeks leading up to my birthday, I will begin by preparing to reflect on the things that have happened this previous year and as it gets further along in the weeks, I will take that darkness and turn it into something bright and beautiful. This is done by acknowledging what has happened, owning, and fully accepting whatever part I played in the “incident”, and recognizing what behaviors I need to change or modifications I need to make, in order for history not to repeat itself. Once I’ve been able to work through whatever the situation was that I am reflecting on, I then focus on the ultimate point, which is that I am about to begin a new chapter in my life, and that I need to let go of certain parts from the previous one.
As someone who suffers from multiple mental illnesses, the hardest part of letting go, is the guilt that I carry by doing so. The thought of moving on would eat away at me because I thought it wasn’t fair or right to any of the individuals involved in those situations for me to just “let go” of the things I had done wrong. What I didn’t realize was just because I was deciding to let go of some of the choices I had made in the past, that that didn’t mean I was no longer sorry, or that I was forgetting about the things I had done. Instead, I was taking those exact same situations, owning them, learning from them, and then becoming a better version of me. Furthermore, at the time of reflection, what’s done is done and I cannot go back and change any of it. All that I can do at this point, is make sure it doesn’t happen again and that no one else gets hurt.
After I have taken the last few weeks to reflect, the very last week before my birthday arrives, and thus begins the time where I truly focus solely on the act of letting go. It is almost like a grieving process for me because it is during this time that it is the darkest and I am most vulnerable. You see at this point, I have already acknowledged what I’ve done, and am now asking for forgiveness and for help in moving on. These two things which present themselves almost as the unknown, and as human nature goes, the fear of the unknown can be absolutely paralyzing. Now I know most of you must be asking yourself, who is she asking for forgiveness and for help with moving on? The answer is, that I am asking myself for forgiveness and for help with moving on. I am the only one in the end, that can decide if I am going to truly let go and allow myself to heal. And I know it may seem incredibly selfish that I am talking about letting myself heal, when the damage was done to others; however, that is the part we often miss.
During the entire time that I was making unhealthy life choices, I am also hurting myself. So when I take the time to reflect on what has happened, I am asking for those whom I hurt to forgive me, as well as for their wounds to heal. So when it comes down to this part of my “process”, I have to remember if I don’t forgive myself (even if everyone else has forgiven me), then how can I truly let go and heal? The answer is the same every time, if I do not forgive myself then I cannot move on. Please understand that this is not the only time I am reflecting on the choices I have made, but instead, it is almost like the final stages of reflection for me. I am also not guaranteeing or trying to say that this will work for everyone or anyone other than me. I’m merely trying to show the importance of letting go in order to move on. That by doing so, you actually get to appreciate and experience the present to the fullest extent. And most importantly, by truly letting go, you allow yourself to finally live again.